Clearing.....

My therapy appointment went better than I could ever hope for. I have had two different clinicians since being here in Austin. One was the female version of Woody Allen. She was very obsessed with making sure all the doors and anything in her office with a lock...was locked. The other one, nice guy but loved talking about him. He was somewhat fixated on what he could say that would "shock", "surprise" or "offend" me. LOL I laugh cause he had no clue about me and if you can possibly accomplish any of those three, well good on ya, cause I haven't met anyone able to do so. I would bitch after my appointments that it was never about "me" and it was just a waste of money. Third time is a charm. Now I am not really happy because it IS all about me. LOL I am hopeful that great strides will be made going forward.

I read this amazing blurb on Facebook today that really had me thinking. To shorten it up a bit. More time, energy and focus is spent being connected all day every day. The average person with a smart phone (or tablet) checks their phone between 75-100 times a day. For either work, missed calls, status updates, tweets, reference...well you get it. It went on to say that although this ability is wonderful, if we are plugged in 24/7 when does our body and mind disconnect. I not only logged off my phone, I shut it off.

I spend so much time looking for serenity, the calm life that I once had and time for me. Yet I do nothing to obtain what I am searching for. I am plugged in ALWAYS. Obsessed with work, make that all mighty dollar, making numbers and covering my ass. Worried when the next shoe is going to drop. Waiting for that phone call that something has happened, what are we going to do, how can it be fixed. Mind spinning out of control about new places and being in a crowd, but yet obsessed with moving on, starting fresh and looking for a new adventure.

Now we know why I am back in therapy. LOL

I have home work to complete. I am to write a toast by three different people, living or dead that would be read at my 80th birthday bash. I realize it is to show me my self worth and pointing me in the direction that I can do what ever I wish to accomplish in my life. The sad part...had a anxiety attack over the assignment. Who do I choose? Oh sure the therapist is expecting my Mom and or Dad, husband, children. I can not be predictable. It is to be what I would want them to say...not what think they would say. Maybe it was better when the focus was not on me.

This weekend was for clearing my mind. Meditation of sorts. Disconnecting with the phone and computer and trying to find the off switch of my out of control spinning thoughts. Trying to clear the cobwebs in my mind. Re-working those gears so they stop seizing up and spin over and over. Felt good today to unplug. I seemed to get more done and time has went by pretty slow. I am not sure if it was the disconnection that was helpful or was it putting some space between myself and facebook. I have missed some cute puppy photos, recipes and the daily propaganda and I have survived. I took the time to do nothing, to stop and realize that I do not have to be doing something every moment of every day.

I did do something. I made time for me. To clear my head and just be.